We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
