I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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