We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
