i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
