i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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