I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
