Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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