the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
