just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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