Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
