ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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