I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize