what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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