thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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