i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
