I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
