so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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