glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I fill condoms, not promises.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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