I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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