I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
