This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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