I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize