We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
