The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
