Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
