there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
