I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
