i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
