we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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