He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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