U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
