Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It was confusing and full of hummus
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
