he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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