if i died would you start the facebook group?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize