Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
