I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
