she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
