i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
