The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
