a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
