they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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