Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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