Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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