It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
