Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
