He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Naked. naked and bneed help.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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