We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
