Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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