well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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