allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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