Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
