She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
