On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I am spending my child support on dildos
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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