You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
