Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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