I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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