when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
