this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
