so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
