i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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