nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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