he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
