You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
