I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
