I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
