Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
