I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
