So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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