He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
