But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
