we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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