Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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